Music is gonna save you

-when I realized is not my time yet

Have you ever been in a room amongst lots of people talking one another, then looking and pointing at you and moving their heads like not believing what they see?

I wanted to talk to them, I wanted to know what they were talking about. As soon as I approached them they stopped talking. No word. Soon enough I heard like chains being dragged on the floor. The nurses that got into the room scared me.

I saw a lifter being hauled into my room. Wtf is going on? I thought.

One of them comes and explains to me, according to the development on my physiotherapy, it was time for me to start standing up and sit on the wheelchair; by myself.

I have been practicing how to stand up from my bed to sit down on the wheelchair. I could stand up and sit down on my bedside and normally eat. I started walking to the washroom by myself. I waited for the nurse on duty to pass by my room and I would walk back and forth from my bed to the door, from the door to the end of the corridor and look through the window.

The sad part of it was to look at my family leaving and not waving goodbye from this window. Sadness overwhelmed my heart. Sadly walked back to my room. Played some BG and Gary Barlow’s music. My motivation. My company.

I felt accompanied, not alone.

I still remember – I don’t know if it was my neighbour next door or someone else’s walking by. I heard a song that somehow caught my curiosity. I asked my brother the name of that song every time I heard it- I liked it so much I memorized it. He said- they just played it on the radio. The name is ‘LIFE’ I googled it and played it.

I couldn’t believe what I just found out. I played the song but couldn’t associate the voice with the image I saw on the video. It has been more than 20 years since last time I saw them on tv.

My last recollection was ‘Karma Chameleon’ and ‘Back for Good’. For some reason no more new songs were played in my country after that.

Something kept on telling me that I had to find the singers for those songs.

To my surprise I found out it was Boy George! I cried. He looked different, more matured. His horse voice indicated to me the experience he acquired all these years. His songs talked about life and love, broken hearts and moving on. How to overcome obstacles in life.

Gary Barlow’s songs did the same, but in a jazzy version. I love them too!I cried twice. I’m thinking I’m too sentimental now. Embarrassing.

To me, the obstacle in my life was enormous; had to get better, get out of here. I found encouragement in their songs, I found the support I needed, the resilience to keep myself going.

I downloaded as many songs as I could from both Boy George and Gary Barlow. They became my night company before I went to sleep, when the only company I had was the dim light that peeps from the semi opened door the nurse on duty left when coming to check my vitals. Then ‘King of Everything’, ‘Nice and Slow’, ‘You,’ ‘Back for Good’ just to mention; were my ‘before going to bed’ routine.

After many physiotherapy sessions, I successfully learned to walk, same like when you were a baby, I used a walker, adult size walker(aka: EVA Pneumatic Support Walker);until they noticed I could walk by myself. Eventually I graduated to a normal wheeled walker. No wheelchair allowed. If I wanted to go outside of the hospital like the garden then I will use the wheelchair.

I learned to be sarcastic with myself, that was another way for me to release my tension and anxiety. Soon enough everyone in the hospital came to see ‘the miracle’ everyone was proud of.

I feel sorry for anyone that had to learn to walk. Super stressful.

Thank God – he gave the strength to continue as well and to everyone that prayed for me. So much energy and love sent to me – that helped too.

I have to do the same now. And spread God’s love and of course the encouragement that Boy George’s and Gary Barlow’s music did give me.

I still play ‘ Patience’ and ‘Nice and Slow’ when I go to my infusion treatments to relax myself. It is a requirement to my self to be relaxed so the treatment is effective.

One day I bumped into Gary Barlow’s- ‘Crooners Sessions’ online where they both sang ‘Patience’. His voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t connect it. Thanks to Google, found out that he sang with Take That. Bonus. He sang ‘Back for Good’. Double bonus! I for me!

I posted a message to both thanking them for the support and encouragement and support their music gave to me.

Yes, music did save me (‘Music it’s gonna save you) and to have ‘Patience’

When I finally could go home after being discharged from the hospital I played in my car, ‘Back for Good’ and ‘My God’ as a celebration of my going home.

I learned to have ‘Patience’ to heal my heart. I had so much frustration and hate in me. This wasn’t me. I totally hated myself.Knowing the prognosis of my illness was nothing but demoralizing thoughts . No Hope at all. Then one day I woke up with a new determination: to work hard on my recuperation.

I had to learn to walk like a baby. Again.

Then I learned to run. Not for long distances, but I did.

I noticed that writing eases my anxiety of knowing that I will never ever get cured.

Instead, I have lost my left eyesight.

The time nobody sees more tweets from me on my social media will know my right eyesight is gone, but before that happens it would be nice to at least have the acknowledgment from either Boy George or Gary Barlow about my tweet. Or at least

of saying hi to me.

They will always be in my heart and soul and thoughts.

‘This is my Time’ and ‘incredible’ are my nextwonderful songs.

To tell you the truth, my phone is full of their songs (both singers)

I have to do the same now. And spread God’s love and of course the encouragement that Boy George’s and Gary Barlow’s music did for me.

I still play ‘ Patience’ and ‘Nice and Slow’ when I go to my infusion treatments to relax myself. It is a requirement to my self to be relaxed so the treatment is effective.

I don’t know for how long I will survive this illness. The life expectancy is 5 years. I have been staying at home for a year and a half.

It would be nice if I get at least a Hi! from BG any of them.

Boy George and Gary Barlow will always be in my heart- in a very special part of my heart❤️

Jolie A. Doggett